Chapter 5: Lost

This chapter follows the themes of Absent Fathers and Life Choices. Author Wes, after making poor life decisions, is sent away to a military school where his choices get him embarrassed and begging to go home within a week. Other Wes's life choices have even worse consequences with them leading to him impregnating a girl and getting into a fight with gun violence as only a teenager. Someone could argue that these poor life choices stem from these boys having absent fathers. Other Wes doesn't understand what he will be faced with once Alicia gives birth because his own father was never there for him, and Author Wes's mother feels forced to enlist him in this school because his father isn't there to help her make sure that Author Wes stays out of trouble. Overall, this chapter explores these two themes and how they interact with the events of this chapter.

The first theme explored is the impact of absent fathers. As a teenager, Other Wes and his godbrother Red met some girls on the school bus. One of the girls, Alicia, and Other Wes began to see each other and soon after, Alicia discovered that she was pregnant. At this point, Other Wes's brother Tony had just had a baby and his mother was pregnant. When Other Wes told Tony about Alicia's pregnancy, Tony laughed and thought it was hilarious his child, their mothers baby, and Other Wes's baby would all be the same age. However Other Wes felt a bit different: "The idea of becoming a father depressed Wes, but he wasn't sure why...he wasn't overly stressed about the responsibilities of fatherhood - he didn't even know what that meant. But in some unspoken way, he did sense that he was crossing a point of no return." (Page 100). Other Wes never had a father around, so the idea of becoming one did not affect him as much as it arguably should have. However, he did realize that this meant that he was no longer just toying around with his decisions, but that his life was now headed down a path he felt he could not turn back from. After Other Wes finds out Alicia is pregnant, he continues to see other women and shows no evidence that he plans to help out with the child and raise it along side her. Other Wes didn't understand what he was supposed to do in this situation, because his own father did nothing: "Wes's nonexistent relationship with his father probably contributed to his seeming indifference about becoming a father himself...he had no idea what his role would be in this new situation - he wasn't even sure he had a role." (Page 101). Author Wes was also significantly impacted by his absent father, as it affected where he moved as well as where he went to school. When his mother felt that she could no longer look after Author Wes and make sure he stayed out of trouble herself, she made some serious sacrifices and sent him to military school where she felt he would be safe. Overall, this chapter shows just how much of an impact the absence of a father has on these boys.

The other theme expressed in this chapter is that of life choices. Author Wes's mother did not take the decision of sending Author Wes to Valley Forge Military Academy lightly, but his actions leading up to her decision forced her to make this change. Author Wes had been making some poor life choices by skipping class, getting bad grades, tagging graffiti, and more leading up to his mother's breaking point: "The final straw came one evening while she sat downstairs on the phone listening to my dean from Riverdale explain why they were placing me on academic and disciplinary probation." (Page 87). This same night, Author Wes punched his sister, and his mom was so worried and angry and disappointed that she slapped him across the face in silence and left. These choices are what led Author Wes to be transferred to military school. While at this school, he continued to make poor decisions and misbehave. On the first day, he refused to get out of his bed which angered his sergeant greatly: "His angry face broke into a devilish smile. Just as quickly as he'd come into the room, he walked out. This was my first morning at the military school." (Page 87). Later, he was given some payback when the sergeant gave him fake instructions to run away and then embarrassed him in front of his entire plebe class. All of these events in Author Wes's life are an act of cause and effect. His choices led the way of his life and impacted him in so many ways. Other Wes also experienced the impacts of life choices. One day, an ex-boyfriend of the girl Other Wes was sleeping with showed up at Other Wes's house and beat him up. Other Wes grabbed a gun and chose to handle it in a violent way: "As he left his room, he shoved a clip into the gun and cocked the slide hammer back, fully loading the weapon...Wes could only see red. He was blind with rage. Instincts kicked in. Tony's words rang through his mind. Send a message." (Page 104). Other Wes let his emotions rule his actions, and this would have serious consequences. The chapter ended with him in the back of a police car, and the reader can only imagine what is next in store for him. Overall, this chapter is used to show just how impactful bad life choices can be, and what they lead to.